A slave to numbers no more

I've been on a journey for the past year and a half to ditch the scale. I've spent the better part of the last decade counting points, counting calories, counting pounds, counting ounces. It's a little bit ridiculous, if you really think about it, to spend so much time counting these numbers when they really don't mean much. Sure, you can count your 1200 calories or whatever for the day but if the calories are nutritionally empty, at the end of the day all you've done is consume 1200 calories of crap. You haven't eaten anything that provides energy to your body. You haven't nourished your body. Even if you eat a certain amount of calories in "junk" and try to burn them off, you can't burn off the effects that food has on your body. It's really not as simple as burning off the extra calories consumed. Even when it comes to weight, I learned from my own personal experience that the number on the scale means SQUAT. After I had my daughter, I was 5lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight, which also happened to be one of my lowest weights ever. But I was actually SMALLER than I was before I got pregnant. That's right. I weighed 5lbs more but I actually lost more inches because I was strength training. That was a real eye opener for me.

The first time the idea of ditching the scale occurred to me was after my first round of Whole30. However, all I could think about the entire time was, "what do I weigh?" I continued to struggle and I attempted to overcome my obsession with the scale with another round of Whole30. It was around this time that I felt and looked my best. It was a time that I could pinpoint as the version of myself that I liked best. After the birth of my second child, I struggled again. I felt like I had to hit a certain number by a certain time and it was frustrating and depressing. Around this time, my scale broke. Our bathroom flooded and it was waterlogged and stopped working. I took that as a sign to kick that obsession for good so I threw away my scale and never looked back.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--- there is SO much freedom in not relying on any number to determine where I'm at in terms of my health and wellness. I know how to eat and move to get my body to its best version. I thought about that version of myself that I mentioned above and that was my inspiration. That version of myself of myself is who I've been working to be lately. I want to have the strength and energy of that version. The picture on the left is my "best" me. I look at it and see strength and drive and passion. The picture on the right was just a few days ago. I've been looking at pictures of myself for the past few month, looking for that version, and this was the first picture I've seen with a glimpse of that version. I can see that sparkle of determination. I feel like I am finally getting back into my groove and it is the most amazing feeling.

When I look at both of these pictures, there is one thing I DON'T see--- numbers on a scale. I honestly don't even know what I weigh right now or what I weighed in the first picture. But I see strong arms and strong legs and the face of someone who just killed their workout and that's just enough to help push me forward to keep reaching my goals.