A slave to numbers no more

I've been on a journey for the past year and a half to ditch the scale. I've spent the better part of the last decade counting points, counting calories, counting pounds, counting ounces. It's a little bit ridiculous, if you really think about it, to spend so much time counting these numbers when they really don't mean much. Sure, you can count your 1200 calories or whatever for the day but if the calories are nutritionally empty, at the end of the day all you've done is consume 1200 calories of crap. You haven't eaten anything that provides energy to your body. You haven't nourished your body. Even if you eat a certain amount of calories in "junk" and try to burn them off, you can't burn off the effects that food has on your body. It's really not as simple as burning off the extra calories consumed. Even when it comes to weight, I learned from my own personal experience that the number on the scale means SQUAT. After I had my daughter, I was 5lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight, which also happened to be one of my lowest weights ever. But I was actually SMALLER than I was before I got pregnant. That's right. I weighed 5lbs more but I actually lost more inches because I was strength training. That was a real eye opener for me.

The first time the idea of ditching the scale occurred to me was after my first round of Whole30. However, all I could think about the entire time was, "what do I weigh?" I continued to struggle and I attempted to overcome my obsession with the scale with another round of Whole30. It was around this time that I felt and looked my best. It was a time that I could pinpoint as the version of myself that I liked best. After the birth of my second child, I struggled again. I felt like I had to hit a certain number by a certain time and it was frustrating and depressing. Around this time, my scale broke. Our bathroom flooded and it was waterlogged and stopped working. I took that as a sign to kick that obsession for good so I threw away my scale and never looked back.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--- there is SO much freedom in not relying on any number to determine where I'm at in terms of my health and wellness. I know how to eat and move to get my body to its best version. I thought about that version of myself that I mentioned above and that was my inspiration. That version of myself of myself is who I've been working to be lately. I want to have the strength and energy of that version. The picture on the left is my "best" me. I look at it and see strength and drive and passion. The picture on the right was just a few days ago. I've been looking at pictures of myself for the past few month, looking for that version, and this was the first picture I've seen with a glimpse of that version. I can see that sparkle of determination. I feel like I am finally getting back into my groove and it is the most amazing feeling.

When I look at both of these pictures, there is one thing I DON'T see--- numbers on a scale. I honestly don't even know what I weigh right now or what I weighed in the first picture. But I see strong arms and strong legs and the face of someone who just killed their workout and that's just enough to help push me forward to keep reaching my goals.

Sample dinner meal plan

I'm loving our dinner meal plan for the week, so I gathered up the recipes to share with you! These are some of our favorite dinners and they are all Whole30 friendly! Check out the links below for the recipes. 

http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/turkey-pot-pie-soup/

Use ghee instead of butter here to make it Whole30 compliant 

http://www.foxandbriar.com/buffalo-chicken-and-broccoli-bowls/

Spiralize some zucchini and sauté them in olive oil to serve with these or use spaghetti squash. http://www.noshtastic.com/oven-baked-italian-meatballs-with-marinara-sauce/

http://cavemamas.com/aidells-chicken-apple-sausage-medley/

Serve this with a veggie of your choice... we eat it with broccoli or green beans. http://www.oatmealwithafork.com/2012/09/14/3-ingredient-apple-juice-chicken/

https://www.grassfedgirl.com/low-carb-hamburger-casserole-recipe/

Food = fuel

Somehow it has been three months since I posted… that is not okay! My last post was right before school started, so I had some extra time on my hands. Since then, I have been trying to find a balance between family, work, and my health. Let me tell you, it’s been a little tough. I have spent two of the last three months feeling down and out because there are many times I feel so overwhelmed trying to balance it all. I feel like I am finally in a good place and it’s nice to feel like myself again.

I left off with my Whole30 results and as I read back through them, I can honestly say that I am still enjoying many of those results. It’s truly amazing the freedom I have experienced in relation to my eating habits since I finished. I felt like a slave to the scale and calorie counting for SO long and I’m happy that I don’t have to live like that anymore. 

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is being mindful about eating habits. By that, I mean eating for nourishment and energy. What has really changed for me over the past few years is that I plan my meals and snacks around what is going to fuel my body. I no longer mindlessly eat or use food as a reward/punishment and that has affected my health in such a positive way. I remember how lethargic and unmotivated I was when I ate like that. Now that I choose my foods carefully, my energy levels are up and stable. That’s a pretty impressive feat, especially with such a hectic schedule and a baby who still gets up a few times a night. I really started to notice this as I resumed my running. I started up again about two months ago and I noticed that I was much faster and my endurance improved when I was really dialed in with my nutrition. When I ate meals that were balanced in terms of protein, fat, and carbs and stayed away from grains, dairy, and sugar, my runs were MUCH better than they were on a day where I maybe wasn’t as strict. I also found that I was more likely to actually go for a run or go workout if my nutrition was on point. It’s a give/take relationship and I feel so healthy and strong right now because I am treating my body well.  If you constantly feel drained of energy or you hit that afternoon slump, take a look at what you’re eating. It’s possible that you are missing the mark nutritionally, which could be affecting you negatively. That’s not to say that there aren’t other factors to take into consideration . The body is an intricate machine that can be affected by many different things. But it’s always worth a shot. 

A lot of people comment about how time consuming it is to exercise, meal plan, etc. I think it's important to look at health as investment. The time and effort you put in determines your results. You can't complain about how you don't like how you feel or look and not be willing to put the effort in to change. It doesn't work that way. I encourage you today to take an inventory of your health. What is one small change you can make this week to make you feel better? Is it drinking more water? Moving your body? Cutting out sugar? Commit to something this week, just one thing, and see how it makes you feel. Chances are you’ll notice a positive change. Give it a try! 

Whole30 FINISHED!!

We are done with our third round of Whole30.... Woo hoo!

The reason I decided to do a third round is because I was just looking for something to jump start myself in the process of getting back on track. A terrible appetite during pregnancy plus a horrible sweet tooth from nursing meant I wasn't nourishing my body the way I needed to. I knew that Whole30 was just what I needed.

So here I am, the day after finishing round three. I honestly feel amazing. I feel the best I have in months. This program is something I take seriously because of how well it works and what a difference it makes in all areas of my life. I wanted to share with you my results.

Physical:

-down 13lbs

-12 inches lost

-improved under eye circles 

-healthy looking skin

- a more energized appearance 

-no bloating

-more defined muscle tone 

-less knee/hip pain

**While not my skin, my son's skin (I'm breastfeeding) also improved drastically! 

Mood:

-Less stressed

-Happier

-Fewer sugar cravings

-Less reliance on the scale

-Feeling in control of my food

Food Behaviors:

-Practicing mindful eating

-Not using food as reward/punishment/comfort 

Energy:

-Energy levels are even

- More productive during the day

-No mid-day slump 

Exercise:

-Increased consistency

- Exercising longer/harder

- Improved pace

Lifestyle:

-More knowledgeable about nutrition

-Other health goals created

-Others come to me for health/nutrition advice

That's a pretty long list, huh? I love that it's not just about weight/inches lost. When I say it changed my life, I'm not exaggerating. I'm a completely different person from who I was before I started my first round. I'm grateful for that. 

So what are my plans now? Well, I'm going to stick as close to Paleo as possible. I know now that's how I function best. I am planning on staying away from dairy for the most part (I have a few exceptions) as well as gluten. I will be limiting but not eliminating non gluten grains and legumes  because they just don't make me feel my best. I don't think deprivation is a good thing but it's easy for me to get carried away with sugar, so I have a few rules for myself. First I evaluate why I want something--- emotions? Hunger? Just because it's there? If I feel like it's worth eating, I make sure it's the BEST version. It's gotta be worth it. I'm not going to waste my time eating crap cookies or ice cream or whatever. I also know it can't come into my house because I have a hard time putting the brakes on. As for alcohol,  I'm still going to enjoy a glass of wine now and then 😉

Is this plan concrete? Nope. It will change and expand and change again overtime. But it's in place to help me continue to be successful. 

Now I'll raise my mug of bulletproof coffee and say cheers to another successful Whole30! 

PS if you're even THINKING about doing a Whole30, please give it a shot! You won't regret it. 

Mother runner

I have never been a runner. I dreaded Fridays in gym class because I could never run the mile. I would swim, bike, elliptical, etc. all day long but I could. not. run. 

 In January of 2013, after losing a significant amount of weight, I decided to give running a try. I completed the couch25k program and suddenly... I was a runner. I loved the challenge of it. I loved how it made me feel. I loved how it only required putting one foot in front of the other. By May, I could run up to 6 miles at a time. Pretty big accomplishment for someone who wasn't a runner, right? I ran multiple races that summer and it was such an amazing accomplishment for me. It was something I never could have imagined. 

In early fall, I found out I was pregnant. In fact, the most recent 5k I had completed I ran while about 6 weeks along. I had every intention of continuing but I had a little medical scare and my OB said no running. While it was so worth it to keep my baby safe, I really missed running. As you can imagine, after my daughter was born I was itching to get back out there as soon as I got the go ahead. I went for a run right after my "all clear!" appointment and it was hell. My body was on fire, I felt like I was trudging through mud with cinder blocks on my feet, and I barely made it a mile. I kept at it though, at least as much as I could with  a new baby. I ran with her most of the time which made things even more difficult. But still, I pressed on. By May of 2015 I felt like I was ready to do a 5k so we signed up to do one as a family. I will never forget the excitement I felt as we crossed the finish line! I felt like I was back in the game. 

About a month later, I found out I was pregnant again. I was still running and I was registered for another 5k. It turns out the same thing that happened in my first pregnancy happened again and I was told no running. So I walked the 5k and sidelined myself once more. It was an easy decision. Obviously the health of my babies mean more to me than running ever will. I ended up not being very active the last half of my pregnancy. I was HUGE, all belly, and it was just hard to do anything. Things got harder after he was born. Not to over share, but I gave birth to a 10lb baby in seven minutes. My body had been through a lot of stress and I was feeling it. My hips hurt all of the time which pretty made running impossible. I also have a toddler who does not want to be strapped into a stroller. In early summer, when it was cooler in the evenings, I would load both kids up and do one lap of the neighborhood. Mostly to get out of the house for a little bit and to get some exercise. It's about a mile walk and it was torture. My whole body hurt, my kids were cranky, and it was just not an enjoyable experience. So I stopped. I moved my workouts indoors and we stopped going out for our evening walks (it was also getting to be super humid in the evenings... To add to the miserableness.) Honestly, it was a very depressing time for me. I can't pinpoint what it was exactly but I just did not feel like me.

By the end of June, I decided I was sick of feeling that way. I forced myself into getting back into regularly working out and we started Whole30 again. Slowly I started to feel "normal." Then my son, who was now 6 months old, decided to start waking up at 6am. I was getting so frustrated because that was my workout time and then I realized... I can get some quiet time AND a workout in if I take him out for a walk. So he would wake up, I'd feed him, and then I'd load him into the stroller so we could head out. We started slow at first, just walking a mile or so. After a couple of days I realized my hip wasn't hurting as much. We started walking two miles, then three miles, then slowly adding jogging intervals. We would get home and I would be sweaty and tired but I also felt so empowered. Slowly but surely, I was getting better. I was getting stronger. 

And then this morning. I ran the most I've run in over a year and I could almost feel the heaviness lift from my body. It as a heaviness I almost didn't realize was there. As I listened to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, the stroller wheels whirring along, I felt free. Free from the pressure to look a certain way after having a baby, free from the depression and anxiety that has been plaguing me the last four months, free from the worry that I would never get back to feeling like myself. Because in that moment, I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. I started crying as we pulled into the driveway just from the release of it all. 

One of the hardest things about becoming a mom is rediscovering who I am. Yes, I'm a mom. But I'm not JUST a mom and I needed to be reminded of that. I'm also Holly who loves to dance crazy and watch One Tree Hill over and over and learn new things about health and nutrition and read Nicholas Sparks books even though I know how they will end and eat weird things because I'm not afraid to try them and exercise because I genuinely like to move my body and the list goes on. I'm still working on how to be both of those people at the same time, discovering how to make sure I don't get lost again.  I'm getting there.  I'm mom first but Holly is still in there and it was really nice to see her today ❤️

Work in progress.

Tonight I was thinking about why I work so hard to lead this life of health. I think it's good to reflect on our goals and what drives us and it's been a while for me. If you would have asked me a year ago, I probably would have said weight loss. I had a number on the scale I wanted to reach and I did. I've spent a lot of time reading and researching and refocusing since then and I've realized I want it to be about more than that. Numbers on a scale are just numbers. I've reached the same weight twice, before and after pregnancy and I can tell you I felt different both times. The numbers were the same but my health was completely different. What I really want is to feel strong. Healthy. Nourished. Balanced. I want how I feel inside to be reflected outside. I would be lying if I said I didn't care about losing weight. On top of nourishing my body, I do want to lose weight. I know the extra weight, even if it did come from growing beautiful babies, makes me feel sluggish and tired. I just don't have a number in mind. I don't do the things I do JUST to lose weight. I eat well for sustained energy and good health. I workout so that I can be strong and energize my body. Losing weight happens naturally from that and I know what my body feels like when it is functioning optimally. THAT is what I work for. Not a specific weight or size. My ultimate goal is to feel good about myself. And I'm not quitting when I get there.    That might be 10lbs heavier than my "recommended" weight with a tummy that has grown two babies and I'm pretty sure will never be flat again. I've accepted that and I know if I feel my best, that's what matters most.  I'm going to constantly work to make sure my body stays at its best. 

Something else that has changed the way I see things? My daughter. Almost every morning she asks if we can exercise because she thinks it is FUN. And that is how it should be!! Moving your body shouldn't be a chore, it should be something you enjoy doing. If I can show her now that fitness is fun and it makes our bodies strong, my hope is that she will continue to develop the habit as a teenager and adult. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food and fitness and I believe that it starts for children when they are young. I want her to understand that food can either nourish her body or slow it down and take that knowledge with her as she makes her own food choices. The same goes for my son, although he is only 6 months old so we aren't quite to that point yet. My hope for both of my children is that they learn to respect their bodies through what they eat and how they treat themselves. It's my job to set that example for them. 

I'm still very much a work in progress. However I know that every positive choice I make brings me closer to a happier, healthier me. 

And you know the saying--- when mama is happy, everyone is happy 😉

Whole30- Week 4 (we are almost done!!)

We had a busy weekend so I kind of dropped the ball on my Week 4 meal plan.... Oops!! So here it is 😄

I'm pretty sure I'm I've shared all of the recipes for our dinners so far, but if I missed one please feel free to message me for the link. 

I'm proud to say that even after a very busy weekend, we managed to stay completely on track. We spent a lot of time in downtown Cleveland so we either brought snacks or found restaurants that offered compliant food. It's way easier to find places to eat downtown than it is closer to home (except for Chipotle.)

I am so excited to share our progress at the end of this week! We are feeling awesome and definitely enjoying the rewards of Whole30.

Love yourself.

If I've learned anything in the short two years since I've become a mother, it's that I thrive when I take care of myself. The past 6 months have been HARD and I can tell you that I struggled the most when I wasn't doing that. I've been called selfish and I've been told that I don't put my husband/children/family/home first. But you know what? I function much better as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, etc. when I am happy and healthy. I have never, EVER neglected my children or family in order to care for myself but by neglecting myself I can't properly care for my family. Do the things you need to do to be the best version of yourself. Eat well. Move your body. Rest. Go outside. Unplug. Listen to music. Ignore your to-do list for a day. Call a friend. Volunteer. Read a book. Take a nap. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it makes you feel like a better you.

Whole30- Week 3

Alright, here is the meal plan for week 3! Breakfast and lunch have pretty much stayed the same. I can't believe we are over halfway done. It's going great so far and I can't wait to share when we are done. 

Beef and spinach stuffed sweet potatoes-http://unbearablygood.blogspot.com/2013/04/spinach-beef-stuffed-sweet-potatoes.html

Mini pepper ring meatloaf (leave out the cheese and breadcrumbs)-http://www.diaryofarecipecollector.com/mini-meatloaf-pepper-rings.html

Buffalo chicken and broccoli with cauliflower rice-http://www.foxandbriar.com/buffalo-chicken-and-broccoli-bowls/

Salt & vinegar chicken wings-http://www.casadecrews.com/2014/02/salt-and-vinegar-chicken-wings-for-sundaysupper.html

Buffalo chicken casserole- http://paleoleap.com/sweet-potato-buffalo-chicken-casserole/

Coconut lime cod-http://mamasweeds.com/2013/10/27/oven-roasted-coconut-lime-cod/

The ghost of weight loss past

I came across an old picture the other day. It's probably seven years old, so before marriage and children. My first thought upon seeing that picture was, "Wow, I wish I still looked like that." And then... I remembered what it took for me to look like that. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it but I'm going to anyway. It's an important part of who I am and how I ended up here on my journey to better health. So here goes.

When the picture was taken, I was in college. My sophomore year maybe? I was always a little "thicker" than I would have liked to be in high school but in those first two years afterward I gained a decent amount of weight. A comment from a former friend pushed me to want to finally work on losing that weight. And so I did. I meticulously counted every calorie. My snacks were laden with artificial sweeteners and additives all for the sake of saving calories. Low fat this, egg white that. Because many of the calories I ate were empty, I was still hungry at the end of the day. That was just my diet. I spent hours, HOURS in the gym. I had a pretty big time gap between classes so I would swim, spin, hop on the elliptical, do strength training, etc.... Sometimes for two hours at a time. And then there was the scale. That darn scale! I was weighing myself at least three times a day. I was weighing in weekly (I was doing Weight Watchers at the time) and I would either not eat or eat minimally in hopes of having a good weigh in that week. All of that sounds super healthy, right? No. Sure, it all worked. I lost over 50lbs. Was I happy? Did I keep the weight off? No and NO. That lifestyle is not sustainable at all and I gained all of that weight back and then some.

Fast forward about three years. I'm the heaviest I've ever been.

 I'm graduated, married, and desperately wanting to have kids. Except I can't. Or at least I can't have them without medical intervention. I have PCOS and my doctor informed it would be difficult to get pregnant naturally.  As she listed off the list of medications I could take, I just kept thinking I didn't want it to be like this. I didn't know what else I could do. She mentioned on my way out the door that a low carb/gluten free diet might help with some of the problems my body was having and that losing some weight would help things along as well. I started doing my homework, reading about PCOS and how diet affects it. Turns out, almost everything I was eating when I lost weight the first time (artificial sweeteners, mainly) did NOTHING to help my body get ready to have a baby. I was filling it with inflammatory, illness inducing CRAP. The first thing I did was cut out gluten. I kept doing my homework about the foods I should eat. I learned so, so much. I started eating full fat yogurt, real butter, the WHOLE EGG. I stopped counting calories and focused on eating balanced meals. And guess what? I. Was. Losing. Weight. Gone were the days of working out for hours at a time. I found that I really liked spinning and strength training, so I started doing that a few times a week. Again, I lost 50+lbs. But it was different this time. I was happy. I was nourishing my body. I was keeping the weight off. And then the best thing ever happened--- I found out I was pregnant. With no use of hormones or medical intervention. 

Ever since then, I have continued to do my research about food and my diet has changed even more. I successfully lost all of the weight I gained from my first pregnancy and I'm following the same game plan as I work on losing the weight I gained during my second pregnancy. But it's about more than that. It's about understanding how my body works and how to take care of it. Food can HEAL, friends. I'm proof. 

I share all of this to say be MINDFUL about how you treat your body. Read and research food and how it affects you. I was a slave to poor nutrition, points/calorie trackers, and the scale for a long time. I have found so much freedom in knowing how to successfully nourish my body. So instead of wishing I looked like the first picture, I'm going to focus on my inspiration picture. I look at this picture and I see strength and health and determination. And I'm happy this is who I've turned out to be. 

Whole30- Week 2

We are gearing up for the Week 2 of Whole30! Here is our meal plan:

You might notice that there are a couple repeat recipes from last week. Like I mentioned in my last post, my meal plans are flexible. Sometimes we eat exactly what's planned, sometimes we switch things around, sometimes we toss things out and make something completely different. The meals we did not have last week I put on this week's meal plan.

It's supposed to be hot this week, so we are just keeping things pretty simple. The only "new" recipe is the sloppy joe sweet potatoes. I'll post that below. The spinach salad is simply grilled chicken with fruit/veggies on a bed of spinach with dressing. The lemon chicken all goes in the crockpot and I just randomly season it. All breakfast recipes are same from last week.

Sloppy joe sweet potatoes (do NOT add the sugar/honey)- http://www.paleonewbie.com/paleo-sweet-potato-sloppy-joes-recipe/

Whole30- Getting ready

As many of you know, I'm a huge fan of Whole30. If you're not familiar with the plan, it's a whole foods based nutritional reset. No sugar, grains, legumes, alcohol, dairy, soy, and additives for 30 days. Each meal consists of a protein, veggies, and healthy fat. We had great success out first two rounds and I am in need of a reset post pregnancy. So here we are!

There is a lot of planning and prep that goes into a Whole30. It can be intimidating and I've spoken to many people who won't try it because of that. I'm hoping that sharing how I prep will help others who want to give Whole30 a try. 

I already read both books and I am familiar with the program so I jumped right in with meal planning.

Now this is what I like to call a flexible meal plan. We switch things around and sub things out when needed. But I absolutely HAVE to have a meal plan when doing Whole30. It helps me stay on track and I don't have to play guessing games for what to eat. 

I also have all of our Whole30 staples ready to go. These include:

Ghee- this is butter that has been cooked down to remove the milk proteins, which makes it lactose free and therefore Whole30 friendly. We use this to cook with. 

Coconut aminos- a soy sauce replacement

Primal Kitchen's mayo and salad dressing- these are sugar and additive free. You can always make your own, but I like having some on hand. 

Califia Farms Better Half/Nut Pods coffee creamer- I usually just blend coconut oil into my coffee but Jeremy likes creamer so we but these. They are dairy and sugar free.

Bragg's nutritional yeast- a yummy seasoning! It almost has a cheesy taste 🙈

Coconut oil- for everything. Cooking, coffee, poured on top of veggies, etc.

As we get closer to actually starting, I will do food prep also. Our start date is July 8. 

I am going to link all the recipes we will be using below. Some of them I have to swap in compliant ingredients, so keep that in mind if you are doing a Whole30.

If you would like to know more, let me know!!

Recipes:

Buffalo ranch chicken meatballs- http://holisticallyengineered.com/2013/01/whole30-buffalo-ranch-chicken-meatballs.html

Chicken sausage skillet- http://cavemamas.com/aidells-chicken-apple-sausage-medley/

Fajitas- http://laughingspatula.com/sheet-pan-fajitas/

Shepherd's Pie- http://therealfoodrds.com/shepherds-pie/

Egg roll in a bowl- http://www.mostlyhomemademom.com/2014/07/eggroll-in-bowl.html?utm_source=bp_recent&utm-medium=gadget&utm_campaign=bp_recent

Apple juice chicken- http://myfridgefood.com/recipes/entree-chicken/apple-juice-chicken/

Bangers and Mash- http://whole30.com/2015/04/bangers-and-mash/

Breakfast casserole- http://bravoforpaleo.com/2014/09/24/paleo-breakfast-casserole/

Paleo BLT- http://carbswitch.com/2015/04/08/carbless-meals-carbless-recipes/2/

Whole30 nachos- http://cavemamas.com/aidells-chicken-apple-sausage-medley/

Breakfast bowl- http://bravoforpaleo.com/2015/12/30/whole30-breakfast-bowl/

I am my own inspiration.

Anyone who has tried to lose weight and get fit, after a baby or otherwise, knows how hard it can be. It can take up to a year post pregnancy to get back into shape. I know this from firsthand experience. It took me nine months after Lydia was born... And then I immediately got pregnant with Asher. Before both of my pregnancies I worked really hard to lose weight and get into shape and it's important for me to get back to that. Unfortunately the road back has been bumpy. I had to wait the full 6 weeks after delivery to workout and then not long after that I had a heart scare which prevented me from working out yet again. By June 1, I was cleared to workout as usual. I was pretty discouraged because I felt like I was starting back at square one but I buckled down and got back to its A week went by, two weeks, three weeks... I was working out 5x a week and eating my normal healthy meals. I slowly started to notice some changes. My energy levels were back to normal, my mood had improved, and my legs and arms started to tone up again. The resiliency of the human body just amazes me. Muscles that haven't been trained in at least eight months were just snapping back into place. It's incredible. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about myself until I stepped on the scale... Which I KNOW I need to stay away from. I learned when I did my Whole30 that the scale holds no importance in regards to health. But we live in a society that focuses on weight and a small voice in the back of my head still tells me I need to be a certain weight so that number bugged me. Then I saw a picture of myself and it seemed like I wasn't making as much progress as I thought. I was so discouraged. Then I realized this is the point when most people give up. When they say, "this isn't working" and they just stop. I thought about all of the things I just listed off for you. The non scale victories. NSV. Those are just as, if not more, important than the number on the scale. That number doesn't reflect my energy levels, my muscle definition. That number doesn't reflect the fact that I am starting to feel like myself again. So I keep pressing on. I know giving up doesn't get me any closer to my goals. I will continue to put the work in so I can get to where I want to be. 

Our bathroom flooded this weekend and it killed my scale. I took that as my sign to just throw it out. So I did. I thought about when I was happiest with myself, when I felt the strongest and healthiest. I took a screenshot of a picture of myself at that place and I decided THIS is what I'm aiming for. Not a certain size or weight, but to feel like I did when I took this picture. I am my own inspiration. 

I know what my body is capable of and that this is a realistic goal for me. I also realize that this leg of my fitness journey is just beginning. I just had a baby five months ago... And a large baby at that! My body is still healing and working hard to take care of him. But that doesn't mean that I can't take care of myself in the meantime.

It's Monday, it's a new week, I can do this!!!

PS... GO CAVS! 

A new chapter

Three years ago today, I shared my very first blog post. It's kind of neat to be able to look back at my journey to better health. Life now certainly looks much different from my life then- I wasn't working so I had plenty of time to write blog posts, meal prep, and go to the gym. Two babies and one job later, I don't have much time to write. Meal prep is a struggle and I haven't set foot in a gym in almost a year. I'm lucky to get a workout in at home after the kids go to bed. However, as different as my life looks, health is still a priority. I want to set a good example for my children and that starts with how they see me take care of myself. 

So why am I writing this post? Well, I'm starting a new chapter in my journey. Before I got pregnant with my son, I was in the best shape of my life. I would work out six days a week and those workouts were pretty high intensity. Cross training, spinning, kettle bells, etc. But now I am basically back at square one. Why? Well, three reasons. First of all, I wasn't able to keep up with those exercises during pregnancy for medical reasons early on. This means that my endurance right now is ZERO. I am going to have to build that up. Second, because my pregnancies were so close together and my son was over 10lbs, I have diastasis recti. This is a separation of the abdominal muscles and right now I have a three finger gap. I'm currently doing an exercise program that will help me close the gap but I have to be cautious of other workouts because  some moves will cause my abs to separate even more. Third, I'm nursing so my overall priority is nourishing my body and resting when necessary so that I can take care of my baby. 

I've missed writing, so I'm going to do my best to keep track of this part of my journey. I can't guarantee that I'll write weekly but I do want to share when I can. 

So here is my current plan:

-nourishing my body with clean, whole

foods and limiting sweets (what is with nursing and craving sweets??!)

-following my postnatal workouts four days a week.

-introducing more cardio.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and for your support! I'm excited to share with all of you.